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Adventures of Ken v 2.0 II
17th April 1999


     Pink lightning-

     "PINK lightning?!" Omi observed.

     So I'm not being original again. So what else is new? Now shut up and let me finish. *snort*

     Pink lightning streaked across the skies; the camera zooms into a half-gaijin 20-year-old's room, which is messy enough to drive Martha Stewart into an epileptic fit. The said 20-year-old is busy curled up in bed, snoozing away while piles of unfinished Uni assignments are strewn all over the floor (some with the phrase 'I don't care if I fail this subject' scrawled on the pages). The person in bed had a remarkable resemblance to a certain dorky claw-mitted assassin-

     "Dorky??!" Ken protested.

     Shut up. *ahem* Oh dang it, where was I? Ah.

     The person in bed had a remarkable resemblance to a certain dorky claw-mitted assassin, thanks to a slight misunderstanding during a trip to the hairdresser. (And as for androgynity, DUH!) But since this omake isn't about Ken v 2.0 sleeping his head off, we shall now go on with the rest of it before you people get bored.

     "Wake up!" A deep voice hollered as someone yanked the sheets; Ken v 2.0 was sent tumbling to the floor in a heap.

     "...zzz..."

     "Wow. Still asleep?" Yoji wondered. He kneeled down to poke the dozing Ken v 2.0 in the ribs.

     "...zzz... hee... Orphen-sama..."

     "Looks like you've been dethroned from a certain person's No. 1 fave anime character spot, Aya-kun," Omi smirked.

     Aya harrumphed at that and motioned the rest of the Weiss to move aside. He kneeled down next to the inert figure of Ken v 2.0 on the floor, cracked his knuckles and...

     Poked Ken v 2.0 in those very tender areas at the sides.

     "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ken v 2.0 squealed as he sprang awake. "Whatever it is, I didn't break it!"

     The Weiss blinked at Ken v 2.0. Ken v 2.0 blinked back. "Oh it's you," he grumbled. "What do you want now?"

     "We have a problem..." Omi began tentatively.

     "What have you done now?" Ken v 2.0 sighed as he rubbed his sore sides, glaring at Aya. "If it's about that interview fee with Deena the other day..." Ken v 2.0 blinked. "Hey, where's Ken? The REAL Ken?"

     "Um, that's what the problem is, sort of. You see, we're gonna have this big flower sale tomorrow and Ken is um... not feeling well," Omi explained. He giggled before he continued, "We need one more person to run the shop."

     "Eh?" Ken v 2.0 blinked. Aya was snorting and looking angry at nothing while Yoji was busy admiring his reflection in the mirror. "Not feeling well? What happened? You guys bumped into Schwarz?"

     Aya turned away and snorted. Omi giggled helplessly. Yoji howled with laughter. Ken v 2.0 had no idea what was so funny.

     "He *mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble*" Aya muttered.

     "I beg your pardon?"

     "He was playing soccer with some of the kids the other day and he accidently got a boot in the *ahem*."

     "The what?" Ken v 2.0 blinked. Aya glared at him. "Oh... THAT part." Ken v 2.0 snickered. "So what do I have to do with this?"

     "We have a big sale tomorrow and we need another person to help mind the shop," Yoji stated. "That's you, and since you already look like Ken, we won't lose any potential customers since there are some people who go into the shop just to see Ken."

     "Let me guess... this whole thing was Aya's idea?"

     Yoji and Omi nodded vigorously.

     Ken v 2.0 nodded and crossed his arms. "So what's in it for me?" he asked Aya, while Yoji and Omi backed off just in case the fearless leader decided to do a little decapitation.

     Aya's eyes had a weird sheen of light over them as he began, "We are in this to make sure justice is served"- he immediately went off into one of his boring speeches about justice, good versus evil, The Force (well, maybe not that) and whatnot while everyone else is looking at their feet and trying to figure out a way to shut him up that wouldn't get them socked in the face.

     "Phooey. You just can't bear the idea of losing profits tomorrow, don't you?" Ken v 2.0 smirked. "Nope, you gotta give me a better reason than that."

     "I'll let you live."

     "Um... good enough."



     "Irasshai~!" Omi greeted cheerfully at their first customers; a bunch of schoolgirls who perpetually hung around the store looking at the flowers and thankfully for their sake, buying some of the stuff on sale before Aya threw them out.

     "Hi Omi-kun!" the girls chorused as they burst into giggles. Omi sweatdropped, but managed to flatter the girls into buying an expensive bunch of azaleas thanks to the Omi Puppy-Eyed Plead®.

     "Ken," Aya ordered, "go see to that bunch of women. They're the other Ken's fans, so be polite and most importantly, make sure they buy the expensive stuff OR ELSE." Ken v 2.0 was presented with the Aya Glare of Doom®.

     "Yeah yeah," Ken v 2.0 mumbled and stuck out his tongue at Aya when the redhead had his back turned. "Hi there," he greeted the women, who promptly burst into a round of helpless giggling (what is it with this people?). "Can I help you with anything?"

     "Ooh," one of the women gushed, "could you pack up a dozen of these roses for me, please?" She had big pink hearts in her eyes. Ken v 2.0 sweatdropped. He immediately rushed over and got the flowers, pocketed the money and shooed them out of the store.

     "Ahem." Aya glared at Ken v 2.0, who sweatdropped even more, but fortunately was saved by the horde of elderly women popping into the store who immediately gushed over their favorite florists and the flowers.

     "Ooh, I think I'm gonna throw up." Ken v 2.0 muttered. "I gotta find a way out of this stupid flower shop before I freak out!"

     Something fell out of his back pocket; he picked it up to find a torn xerox of a certain Aya x Ken doujinshi he was working on with a couple of friends. "Aha!" Ken v 2.0 grinned as a plan formed.



     "Aya-kun..." Omi whined, "It's not my turn to go get the supplies..."

     "Ah shuddup," both Ken v 2.0 and Yoji grumbled. "Quit whining and just go get the damn seeds. The supply store's only a block away, so you won't even have time for one of your stupid confusing flashbacks."

     Omi pouted and stomped one foot (cutely of course) before he walked out of the store in a huff.

     Ken v 2.0 let out a relieved sigh. It was a good thing that Omi was out of the store - he was a little bit too young for what he had in mind...

     "OOH!" a bunch of yaoi fans gushed as they stuck their head in the door. Ken v 2.0 slammed the door shut; the fans barely managed to step back before they were beheaded.

     "It's nothing like that!" Ken v 2.0 hissed.

     "Like what?" Aya wondered as he popped up behind Ken v 2.0, who eeped and sweatdropped.

     "Uh, it's like that... and that's the way it is!" Ken v 2.0 hummed cheerfully to the Run DMC & Jason Nevins tune before he bolted.



     Aya was starting to have a headache, surrounded by the hordes of women and hearing their screeching over the flowers (and not to mention over him, heh heh heh). Not only the multitude of voices was driving him nuts, the assorted perfume the women were wearing was making him slowly asphyxiate as well. He was on the verge of screaming when suddenly a bit of conversation snapped his attention.

     "But I can't go out with you," Ken v 2.0 apologized to an over-enthusiastic fan.

     "Why not?" the girl sniffed.

     Yoji shouted from the background, "I'll go out with you, whoever you are!" Ken v 2.0 rolled his eyes.

     "Oh please~!" the girl begged. "Please go out with me this Friday night!"

     "But I've already got a date..."

     Yoji and Aya blinked and turned to see Ken v 2.0. Their fans turned to see them turning to see Ken v 2.0. The yaoi fans started rubbing their hands in delight.

     "AIEE!! WHO IS THAT WOMAN?!! I'LL KILL HER!!" the girl screeched, while everyone else in the crowded store sweatdropped.

     "Um... that would not be wise..."

     "Hey," Yoji elbowed Aya in the ribs, "I didn't know Ken (v 2.0) was going out with anyone."

     "Neither did I."

     "So who is it?" the girl whined.

     Ken v 2.0 blushed and mumbled something.

     "Come again?"

     "I'm going out with Aya-kun."

     Aya fell down. Yoji started laughing so hard he almost swallowed his cigarette. The women in the store gasped, stared at the blushing Ken v 2.0, then stared at the stunned Aya on the floor, and back again.

     "Aya-kun?" the women gasped. "With Ken-kun?"

     Aya closed his eyes. Oh no, the women are going to have a big fit and keel over and die or something, he thought. Then I'll end up with over 50 people dead in my store without me actually laying my hands on them... hey wait, isn't this good for my assassin reputation? Oh wait, I'm supposed to be undercover (not to mention a good guy). Drat. Oh hell, kill Ken v 2.0 after this.

     "How cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute~!" the women gushed.

     "Eh?" Aya sat up, stunned more then ever, if that were possible. A hand pulled him up; he took it and it was only when the women sighed, "oh how sweet..." did he realize it was Ken v 2.0's hand.

     Yoji was laughing and pounding on the wall.

     "Aww..." the women sighed some more as a very stunned Aya allowed a smirking Ken v 2.0 to wrap his hands around his waist.

     The next few moments were a big hazy blur to Aya; all he knew was that he snapped out of it when Omi's cheerful voice said, "I'm back! Did I miss anything?"

     "OH YES YOU DID!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Yoji began laughing again while Ken v 2.0 started giggling. The shop was now devoid of people except for the four guys.

     "Really?" Omi pouted. "Whatever it was, it must have been great since you guys sold all the flowers in the shop... even the dead ones, I noticed. And it's still 6 hours before we close!"

     Yoji gasped and started rolling around on the floor, holding his aching sides. "Damn right it was great! WOO HOO!"

     Aya snapped out of his dazed trance and immediately pointed a finger at Ken v 2.0. "YOU!" he snarled, pulling out his katana from his... his... whatever and dashed towards the no-longer smirking youngster.

     "Uh-oh," Ken v 2.0 gasped.

     "SHI-"

     "YAAAH!" Ken v 2.0 reached out with the object in his hand to block Aya's swinging blade.

     "-ne?" Aya's blade stopped 2 centimeters from the white piece of paper Ken v 2.0 held in his hands. "What's this?"

     "It's a check," Ken v 2.0 squealed, "for 750,000 yen. The girls gave us a (one hell of a) huge tip since they thought we look cool together."

     *ka-ching ka-ching ka-ching* Ken v 2.0 let out another sigh of relief - he was saved from being hacked to death by the cash register noises ringing in Aya's brain.

     "750,000 yen!??" Aya grabbed the check from a protesting Ken. "I'll take that."

     "Hey! What about my share of that, you stupid redhead?!"

     "Your share?" Aya glared at Ken v 2.0. "You can forget about your share after that stupid 'I'm going out with Aya this Friday night' act of yours!'"

     "Aya's going out with Ken?" a confused Omi whispered to Yoji. Yoji broke into laughter.

     "NOW OUT!" Aya shouted as he threw Ken v 2.0 out of the store. Ken v 2.0 landed in an ungraceful heap across the street. Snorting, he got up and brushed dirt off his clothes.

     "Pbbbbhtt!" Ken v 2.0 pulled one eyelid down and stuck his tongue out at the store. Aya immediately shut the door and closed the shutters.

     "Greedy, stupid, violent (but very cute) jerk," Ken v 2.0 mumbled as he walked home. "Oh well," he muttered to himself, "at least I didn't tell him that they girls gave us TWO checks - 750,000 yen for each of us." Smiling, Ken v 2.0 whistled happily all the way to the bank.

     Morals of this story:



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