Nyau?
14th September 1999

     *sneeze* *cough*

     "Serves you right," Ken muttered.

     "I heard that," Sai muttered before she sneezed again. To make matters short, Sai was caught in the rain last week, so now she has fever and therefore is not allowed to go out of the house by her tyrannical older sister so she's stuck in her room playing all her Dreamcast and PlayStation games over and over again-

     "-or torturing certain bishonen," Ken muttered under his breath, while Omi kicked him.

     "What?" Sai blinked as she looked up from her book.

     "Nothing!" the Weiss yelled.

     Sai shrugged her shoulders and went back to her book, while the Weiss sighed in relief. Last thing they needed was another one of those silly omake-

     "What are you reading?" Omi asked Sai.

     "A cat book. For the new omake."

     The Weiss fell down.

     "Thought I'd forgotten about updating eh?" Sai smirked. "I did say that I'd update the site once I have 15,000 hits..."

     There were several groans and a muffled "I can't believe she remembered" at that.

     "Oh pish-posh. Stop being a bunch of sissies and quit whining. That's Omi's job."

     "Hey~!" Omi spluttered.

     "Oops," Sai mumbled. "Anyway, all of you ought to be happy with this omake."

     "Oh really? Why?" Yoji asked in an unenthusiastic tone.

     "I'm not writing any yaoi in it."

     There were loud cheers, a bit of flag-waving and a "Yes, there is a God!" at that one.

     "So what's it about?" Ken asked, feeling much, much, much better at Sai's announcement that there won't be any yaoi in this omake.

     Sai: I thought you wanted to be paired up with Aya-
     Ken: Shhhh!! *blush blush*

     (All right, so there's a little yaoi in this one, but that was the only yaoi bit in it!)

     "Your codenames. Some of my friends have mentioned that they weren't really suited for you."

     "Oh?" Aya raised an eyebrow.

     "Uh-huh. Aya-kun, it says here that the Abyssinian cats are 'affectionate, playful, loving, likes to be part of the family and easily trained to do tricks with its paws and to retrieve.'" Sai stared at the redhead. "Does that sound ANYTHING like you?"

     The Weiss, minus Aya, shook their heads violently.

     "Yes it does!" Aya protested.

     Yoji snorted. "Yeah right," he snapped. "Affectionate? Playful? YOU?!"

     Aya glared at him.

     "It really doesn't sound like you at all, Aya-kun," Omi said in a small voice and promptly hid behind Sai.

     "Perhaps there are other Abyssinian traits that describe me rather well," Aya growled as he reached for his katana.

     "Really? Aha, I'll go look," Sai sweatdropped and flipped through the book, while Ken looked over her shoulder. "Ah, here's one - 'The Abyssinian has an active nature.'"

     Aya nodded. "And?"

     "Err..." *flip flip* "How 'bout this... 'It is best not to have an Abyssinian unless you live in the country or have a large garden.'"

     "What does THAT have to do with me?" Aya stared at Sai.

     "Well you work in a flower shop, so I guess there are plenty of flowers to satisfy you so you don't have to actually go to the gardens or the country to see flowers?" Omi guessed, and promptly threw the blanket over his head when Aya glared at him.

     "Hey, this sounds like you... 'An Abyssinian looks like a little wild cat, and this appearance, coupled with its responsive personality, makes the cat particularly appealing to men. Men often succumb to the charm of an Abyssinian.' That sounds like you, Aya-kun, since I rather like you," Ken read from the book, blushing slightly.

     Everyone stared at him in horror.

     "Yeep!" Ken squealed as he hid his face behind Sai's pillow.

     "You said that there won't be any yaoi in this omake!" Aya protested.

     "Hey! I said that I won't be writing any yaoi. He" -Sai smacked Ken on the head- "said that, not me!"

     "Yeah, Aya-kun," Omi said, sticking his head out of the folds of Sai's blanket, "it's Ken's fault. I say he needs to be scolded," Omi suggested. "Or even spanked."

     Ken brightened.

     "No!" Sai, Yoji and Aya protested.

     "What's wrong with spanking?" Omi asked innocently.

     Everyone ignored him. Sai coughed meaningfully and went back to her book. "Anyway, Aya-kun, I've found a better cat breed for your codename."

     "What?" Aya mumbled.

Somali     "The Somali," Sai answered, pointing at a picture in the book. "It's a longhaired Abyssinian. This one here is a Sorrel Somali - so it's really like you, since it has red hair."

     "It says here that a Somali is 'very quiet to have around, being almost voiceless' and its eyes are 'almond-shaped, large, brilliant and expressive'." Omi read from the book.

     "Now THAT sounds like Aya," Yoji agreed.

     Aya actually looked interested. "Anything else?" he asked.

     "It also says that 'The Somali is a lithe-bodied cat, firm and muscular, with a long coat and distinctive colouring.'"

     "Long coat... distinctive colouring... yup, that definitely sounds like Aya," Yoji agreed again, staring at Aya's trenchcoat and red hair.

     Aya pondered over it for a moment before he nodded. "Okay."

     "What about me?" Ken asked. "What about my codename?"

     "Let me see... Siberian..." Omi thumbed through the book. "Aha! It says here Siberian cats are extremely agile, sweet and has an appearance of great strength and force.." Omi blinked. "That doesn't sound much like Ken-kun."

     "Agile, maybe. Sweet, yes. Appearance of great strength and force? Nope." Yoji wondered aloud.

     Ken tried to throw a pillow at Yoji, but he lost his balance and fell off the bed in a crash.

     "Definitely not. Is there anything in that book about Siberian cats being extremely clumsy?"

     Omi read briefly from the book before he shook his head.

     Ken climbed back onto the bed and grabbed the book from Sai and Omi. "Let's see if I can find a more suitable cat breed," he grumbled. Flipping a few page, he pointed at a picture. "How about this one?"

Norwegian Forest Cat     "The Norwegian Forest Cat, or the Norsk Skaukatt," Sai announced. "It says here that 'The Norwegian Forest Cat is an outdoor-loving, active cat.'"

     "It also says that the Norwegian Forest Cat 'loves to show off in front of an audience and is affectionate, intelligent and extremely playful.'" Aya read from the book.

     Everyone stared at Ken and frowned.

     "Affectionate, yes." Sai agreed.

     "Intelligent, uh..." Yoji scratched his head.

     "Extremely playful, uh... that's true. I guess," Omi pondered.

     "Showing off in front of an audience... yes," Aya nodded slowly.

     "Really?" Sai blinked.

     "All that fancy footwork when he's playing soccer with the kids." Aya took another look at the picture and shook his head. "This won't do, even though the cat's traits sound a bit like Ken's."

     "Why not?" Yoji asked.

     "The name is just too long." Aya shook his head and flipped a few pages. "How about this one here?"

Maine Coon     "The Maine Coon," Ken read from the book. 'The Maine Coon is very hardy and active, and good with children, but shy.'"

     Yoji nodded. "That sounds right."

     "And look," Omi pointed at the white fur at the cat's forepaws, "it even has gloves."

     "'It is good-tempered, loves playing and has a delightful, unique voice. It also prefers plenty of space.'" Ken continued reading.

     "Yes, all that extra room for his accidents." Yoji nodded. "Yup. Maine Coon it is. Right Aya?"

     Aya nodded.

     "Okay, I'm next," Yoji announced and sat down on the bed. "What does the book say about Balinese cats?"

     Sai turned a few pages. "Let's see... 'The Balinese cats enjoy climbing and are quite athletic. Their voice can be persistent. Balinese are affectionate cats, but can also prove rather aloof.'"

     Omi blinked. "Athletic, yes. Enjoys climbing?"

     "Climbing into women's beds- mppph!" Aya effectively shut Ken up by putting his hand over Ken's mouth, while Yoji placed his hands over Omi's ears.

     "Tsk tsk." Sai shook a finger at Ken. "None of that in front of Omi-kun."

     "Anything else?" Yoji asked.

     "'Good with children, very beautiful and extremely graceful, quiet in voice and temperament, dislikes being left alone and needs daily grooming.' Anything familiar?" Ken looked at Yoji.

     "Daily grooming, definitely," Omi mumbled under his breath. "All those hours in the bathroom."

     "That beautiful part." Yoji smiled to himself. "I did say that no woman can resist me."

     "Well, you're not exactly good with children, and you're not exactly quiet in voice and temperament!" Ken pointed out.

     "Yeah, Yoji-kun bullies me all the time," Omi nodded.

     Everyone minus Yoji nodded reluctantly. Yoji glared at everyone.

     "Ahem," Sai coughed. "I found a more suitable cat for you, Yoji-kun." She showed him a picture.

Siamese     "Siamese?" Yoji looked dubious.

     "It is loving and lovable, enchanting and delightful, but also exasperating, demanding and very talkative.'"

     "Sounds familiar," Ken mumbled under his breath.

     "Is there more?" Yoji asked.

     "It also says, 'The sexual side of their nature is highly developed.'".

     Ken peeked at the book. "Hey, there's also something about 'neutering is essential if not kept for breeding purposes'"-

     "Ahem." Sai smacked Ken on the head. "I take it that everyone agrees that this cat is better for Yoji?"

     Everyone nodded.

     "My turn!" Omi announced. "Let's see what the book says about Bombay cats."

     "Give me that," Yoji grabbed the book and thumbed through the pages. "Here. 'It is active and occasionally rather temperamental, as well as having a large appetite to its size.'" He snickered. "It also says that 'males can become quite large when they mature.'"

     Everyone but Omi looked at each other, then laughed.

     Omi made an exasperated noise. "Hey!" he protested.

     Sai snatched the book away from Yoji. "Let me have that. Let's see if I can find anything for Omi-kun..." *flip flip* "Aha!"

Persian     "Persian?" Omi wondered.

     "Persian. Persia." Ken shook his head. "A bit... weird."

     "What does the book say?" Omi asked.

     "'Attractive, sweet, docile, companionable. It likes being with people and is generally good-tempered, unless teased; also rather vulnerable.'.

     "Attractive? Omi? That's a joke," Yoji commented.

     Omi sniffled. "Yoji-kun!" He stamped his foot and kicked Yoji in the shins.

     "Well, he certainly doesn't like to be teased," Ken said.

     "Anything else?" Aya asked.

     "Err... Eyes; large. Full, brilliant and wide-awake, with a sweet expression.'" Sai turned the page. "And something about a pretty face... and short legs."

     Snickers from everyone, except for Omi.

     "Oh ha ha ha ha. That is so funny." The youngest Weiss snorted and stormed out of the room.

     "See? Generally good-tempered, unless teased. Perfect," Yoji commented.

     Sai closed the book. "Hey," Ken protested, "I wanna see more of that stuff."

     "Whatever for?" Sai stared at him.

     "Oh, I dunno. Maybe what cats are perfect for Schwarz?"

     Sai looked thoughtful for a few moments. "Nope." She stuck the book back on the shelf. "I'll only do that one if enough people ask me to."

     (Ken: What she means is that if you want to see a similar cat-omake on Schwarz, e-mail her!)


     Morals of this story:



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