Adventures of Aya v 2.0
30th June 1999

     "Hiyeaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggg!"

     *assorted chopping noises*

     *sniffling sounds*

     "What on earth was that?" Ken wondered.

     "Oh that," Yoji shrugged. "It's just Aya cooking in the kitchen."

     "Then why the *bleep* is he CRYING, for god's sake?!"

     "He must be cutting up onions."

     *ding dong*

     "I'll get it!" Omi cheerfully said and jumped to head for the door, only to have Ken pulling him back to his seat. "Hey!" he protested.

     "Forget it. You have all that summer homework to do," Ken admonished, pointing to the pile of books and papers that was as tall as Yoji. "And that's just your English."

     Omi pouted oh-so-cutely and went back to his seat, grumbling.

     *ding dong ding dong ding dong*

     *short pause*

     *kick kick kick kick*

     "All right, I'm coming, I'm coming," Yoji grumbled. He opened the door, stared and quickly slammed it back shut with his back pressed hard against the door, gasping.

     Omi looked up from his homework and Ken looked away from the TV screen. "Who is it?"

     "It's Aya!" Yoji gasped.

     "So let him in!" Omi shook his head.

     "If he's out there, then who the hell is in the kitchen?!"

     A collective blink; then all of them rushed into the kitchen to find their fearless leader paused over the act of condemning several cucumbers to their deaths, making a short speech before hacking the veggies to pieces with his katana.

     They all gasped and rushed back to the door, which by this time the visitor was kicking, punching and swearing on. "Oh man," Ken grumbled, "so do we open the door or not?"

     "Open this door, you #$%%@*&! or I swear I'll *&@#%$ and *^*@$# all of you!"

     The three hurriedly opened the door.

     "About time!" the Aya at the door snorted as he walked indoors. "I brought you guys some dinner." He handed each Weiß a small steaming white plastic bag. "Where's Aya-kun?"

     Omi choked on some misoshiro. "Um... in the kitchen." He looked at Ken and Yoji. "Um, guys..."

     Ken ignored Omi's plead and immediately went after his meal. "What! No fish eggs?" he complained.

     "Did you get Chinese for me-" Yoji began before he stopped. "Hey waitasec! Just who the heck are you?"

     Ken and Omi immediately posed menacingly behind Yoji, wielding their weapons but even a parakeet would not be impressed by a bunch of assassins who had soy milk moustaches. :P

     The visitor-Aya grinned and suddenly there was this weird ripple all over the room... and for some strange reason the guys started seeing visions of a certain critter that was a cross between Pikachu and a Chochobo.

     "Oh it's you, Sai," Yoji snorted. "Why are you cosplaying as Aya this time?"

     "My hair grew long enough." Sai, who shall now be known as Aya v 2.0 plopped down on the sofa and peered curiously at the Weiß' DVD collection. "You people actually watch 'Das Boot'?"

     "We tried, but since there weren't any subtitles we couldn't understand it. It was a gift from a fan who thought we spoke German."

     "I thought Aya banned you from our place after that weird coffee incident." Yoji wondered.

     "No, no... that was Jien." Aya v 2.0 shrugged. "Besides, who do you think asked me to bring some dinner over? He's just waving that oversized knife in the kitchen to make you think he's cooking."

     "I could've sworn your name is on that list..." Yoji got up and walked to the door, opened it and tore a piece of paper stuck there for the visitors to read. "Let's see... 'absolutely no door-to-door salesmen, tv station people, LIACs, doomsday cults... food deliveries welcome, and watch out for the annoying pervert.' No, guess your name isn't on this list." He blinked. "Hey Aya! What's this business about the pervert?" He rushed to the kitchen.

     "You know, after the first 20 times or so you'd think he'd catch on. But NO," Ken commented after Yoji came back into the living room with a bruised eye.

     "Yeah yeah," Yoji mumbled. "Oh crap, now I've got this hideous thing over my face... all the girls are gonna-" He started whining on his love life again, but Omi managed to save all the people in the room from the torment by dropping his laptop on Yoji's foot.

     "Did you get my stuff?" Aya asked as he walked out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on his apron. No one dared to giggle even though the apron had cute bunnies all over it.

     Aya v 2.0 wordlessly handed over a huge plastic bag to Aya. "Ah, good," Aya commented and walked back to the kitchen to get some bowls.

     "What DID you get him?" Yoji wondered as he hopped around on one foot, glaring at a tittering Omi, who was hiding his face behind an English reader.

     "Things."

     "What kind of... things?" Ken asked, curious.

     Aya v 2.0 glared a glare worthy of the original. "Just things."

     This of course, merely got the guys curiouser and they all plotted to find out just what's inside the huge bag of Aya's, even though after the first 20 times or so you'd think they'd catch on. But NO.

     Hey wait, I already used that line. Ah, forget it... *ahem* Anyway...

     Anyway, fearless leader slurped his noodles while the others stared at the plastic bag at his feet with undisguised curiousity. "What?" Aya mumbled, glaring at the rest of the guys.

     "What's in the bag?" Ken asked.

     "Stuff."

     "What kind of stuff?"

     "Stuff." End of conversation. Aya gave a final glare and stamped firmly on Yoji's hand; the tall assassin had sneaked behind Aya's chair.

     "What IS in that dratted bag?" Yoji grumbled as he rubbed his aching hand. "That's it, guys," he whispered to the rest of them, "we'll jump him, tie him up and then take a look in the bag."

     Precisely two seconds passed before the whole gang laughed at him. "Yeah right," Omi snorted, "and while you're at it, my dad is actually - mmpph!"

     Aya v 2.0 clamped one hand over Omi's mouth. "Not a good idea to mention that name, Omi-kun." Aya v 2.0 grinned weakly while a huge drop of sweat appeared at the back of his head.

     "I want to know what's in that bag!" Ken whined, jumping up and down.

     "Why don't we just wait till he thinks we're asleep and then look?" Omi offered his suggestion.

     "No, that's really stupid."

     "Fine, then what do we do?"

     "We'll just wait till he thinks we're asleep and then sneak up to take a look."

     "Oh. Right. Why didn't I think of that?" Omi rolled his eyes.



     To actually narrate that next 6 hours would be pointless, but to summarize those hours, basically Ken and Yoji were fighting over the TV remote, Omi moaned about his homework and Aya practiced his glares in the mirror when he thought no one was looking while Aya v 2.0 'borrowed' some of the guys' stuff when no one was looking so he could sell them to fans to pay for tuition.

     (Now you know where those expensive official Yoji sunglasses and Aya trenchcoats etc. etc. come from, eh?)

     After some yawns, everyone minus Aya announced they were going to bed-

     "Our own beds. Alone. With absolutely no possibility of anyone else coming to our rooms for *ahem* you know," Ken gave a meaningful look at Aya v 2.0.

     Aya v 2.0 agreed, despite the objections of the yaoi fans who had already gotten their cameras ready. "Okay, guys," he stretched and headed for the door, "nighty-night, don't let the bedbugs bite - like the bugs in Starship Troopers - you know, the ones that shoot plasma out of their-"

     "GO AWAY ALREADY!"

     Aya v 2.0 ducked just in time to avoid one of Omi's darts. Chuckling, he closed the door, ran to the back, whistled and climbed up the rope that was thrown from one of the windows.

     "Hey, why do you want to see what's in Aya's bag? I mean, you did bring him the bag, so you already know what's in it." Yoji pointed out as he dragged Aya v 2.0 inside.

     "Of course I do, but I have to write this omake now don't I?"

     "Oh yeah."

     The four guys (originally three, but Omi kicked Ken in the knee when Ken mentioned Omi's bedtime) tiptoed downstairs and opened the door a tiny bit; Ken peeked through the opening and whispered, "He's watching something on video."

     "What?" Yoji whispered. He leaned forward to get a better look, but somehow stumbled and the whole gang crashed into the next room.

     Everyone instinctively covered their heads with their hands as they expected fearless leader to go berserk.

     Nothing happened.

     Omi dared a peek. "Hey guys," he whispered, "it's okay. He didn't hear us."

     Of course, Aya didn't hear them because he had just downed his 12th bottle of Asahi and had the volume on the TV turned up to the maximum. The redhead was slumped on the sofa, staring at the screen, occasionally scowling and grumbling.

     "Good grief," Yoji blinked. "He's watching Sorcerous Stabber Orphen?"

     "Shh!" Ken hissed. Everyone kept silent, listening to Aya's mutterings.

     "What do those girls see in this guy Orphen anyway? I'm way much cooler and better-looking that he is!"

     Omi giggled. Ken covered his mouth, trying to muffle his laughter. Yoji snickered while Aya v 2.0 sighed.

     "I mean, Orphen's nothing but an arrogant, loud-mouthed nitwit while I'm-

     "- an arrogant, loud-mouthed nitwit," Yoji filled in, whispering while the others giggled even more.

     Aya popped in another tape into VCR. "And Kenshin. He's just a dorky redhead who has an equally dorky sword while I'm -"

     "-just a dorky redhead who has an equally dorky sword," Ken whispered. More giggles.

     "And Aoshi. He's just a sword-waving guy in a stupid trenchcoat while I'm-"

     "-just a sword-waving guy in a stupid trenchcoat," Omi tittered, while all of them tugged Aya v 2.0's shirttail to keep him from jumping on Aya.

     (Aya v 2.0 likes Aoshi-sama very much, just in case you didn't know.)

     Another tape was popped in. "And Nuriko! What do people see in Nuriko?"

     (I'm not even going to bother to write this one.)

     On and on it went as various anime tapes were popped into the VCR; not only Aya grumbled about Orphen, Kenshin, Aoshi and Nuriko but also Kurama (another redhead with roses), Sakuya (the singing, get it?), Tasuki (another redhead), Gene (yet another redhead), etc. etc.

     "If he starts on Squall or Obi-Wan Kenobi, Omi-kun, can you shoot him?" Aya v 2.0 begged.

     Another tape was popped in as Aya went on. "And Kane Blueriver! What's with that stupid cloak anyway? I mean, my trenchcoat looks way cooler than that ugly tablecloth he calls a cloak-"

     "Oh dear," Aya v 2.0 sighed. "He shouldn't have started on that anime character."

     "Why not?"

     There was a rumble, then a flash of light and suddenly the part of the roof and walls caved in to reveal a huge starship hovering above them; a figure dropped down with his cloak spread out behind him like wings, and... *drumroll*

     "Hey, nobody makes fun of my cloak!" Kane screamed.

     *cymbals*

     The two redheads started fighting.

     "That's why."

     The four people just stared at the cloud of fists and blades that were Aya and Kane roll around the room, occasionally bumping into what remained of the walls every now and then.

     "Guys, I just thought of something," Ken said.

     "What?" All four asked in unison.

     "Do we have insurance?"


     Morals of this story:



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